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| Seth and I, before bipolar took away his amazing smile. |
Dear Bipolar,
I am writing you this letter 1,622 days since you came into
my life and stole my sweet husband’s soul.
This letter will reach you 908 days after you physically
took my husband from me.
Since you have done this to so many peoples lives, you
probably don’t remember me. I will try
to refresh your memory.
1,622 days ago, you came into my life, uninvited. You were
not invited in, I know I did not leave a door or window open, yet suddenly you
were there. You stepped into my husband’s soul, turned my amazing and vibrant
husband into a depressed, angry, anxiety ridden, empty shell of a person.
You caused my amazingly bright and creative husband to see
dead people, hear voices, and caused him to think about suicide daily. Your
voice was in my husband’s head. You ridiculed him at every turn. “You’re not
good enough” you said.
You took the sparkle out of his eye.
You took the pep out of his walk.
You took away his smile. How could you take away that
amazing smile??
You took away his trust and faith in the world around him,
causing him to think the world was after him.
You even made my husband think I was out to harm him.
You entered our life when we were just getting started. You
see, we were happy. We didn't need YOU. Yet, you kept working on my husband.
Bit by bit, destroying him.
908 days ago, you put a gun to my husband’s head and took him
away from me.
Left me widowed at 29 years old.
Left me widowed at 29 years old.
When I am angry about my husband’s suicide, I blame you.
My husband would have never killed himself. But you were
happy to do it.
Bipolar, I hate everything about you.
I hate your games, your mania, your depression, your psychosis,
even your name. Bipolar = Two polar opposites. Did you leave something out when
you created your name? I think you did.
Because of you, I do not get to see my “happy ending”. I do
not get to live to be old with my husband. We will never have children or fulfill
our dreams and goals.
Bipolar, your day is coming. I might not live to see that
day. But your days are numbered.
A cure is coming.
It might be in the form of a pill, a shot, surgery, or
hell.. maybe even a microchip.
When I get to the other side, my first duty is to get rid of
you.
I will not let you destroy another person. I will not let
you destroy another family.
Mark my words, your days are coming to an end.
And I will be watching, with my husband’s arms around me, with a
huge bowl of popcorn and a huge beer when it all comes crashing down.
Sincerely,
Melinda
(If you or someone you know suffers from mental illness (Including if you have a parent that is mentally ill), PLEASE consider organ donation to the Harvard Brain Bank <-- Click here.
They are trying to find a cure for mental illness, but need organ donation.
Seth wanted his brain donated to the Harvard Brain Bank, unfortunately I could not fulfill that wish.
Please help with the research and study of mental illness for future generations.)
I don't have experience with bipolar disorder, but my husband died as a direct result of his alcoholism. I feel similarly towards that awful disease.
ReplyDeleteI hope we both get to see these terrible diseases eradicated. They should not last one minute longer.
Thank you for your post. My husband's depression took him away from me, made him commit suicide when he was only 26 years old. He struggled against it harder than I realized when he was alive.
ReplyDeleteWow! That was an intense posting....I caught myself about to burst into tears! I could actually feel your emotion welling up in me.....its so real...the anger and hurt just takes over. I am curious to go back and read all of your blogs...I see you moved and am interested to see if you had to move because you lost your house...I did and that in itself has also destroyed my family...its another loss that I have to endure...my children hurt for their bedrooms and home. They had to change schools and make new friends. That is one of the hardest things I have had to watch and that my children have had to endure.
ReplyDeleteUsually a lurker. My dad was bipolar and killed himself 8 weeks ago. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know more about bipolar now that he is no longer with us then when he was alive. I hate the disease. It took away part of my childhood through various experiences, divorce etc. It's sad that my kids will not remember their grandpa.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Great post, Melinda. I hope that I will get to sit with you and that bowl of popcorn and enjoy the demise of this horrific disease.
ReplyDelete