...... are both pretty sure things.
Both pretty stressful things.
Both beyond stressful when they come on the heels of each other, as they did for me, when Jim died.
He died at the end of the year.
Within a couple of weeks the tax stuff started rolling in.
Now that might not be stressful for many people ..... even many of you.
But for me, whose husband was a CPA and had chosen to "handle" all (and I mean ALL) of the bills, the taxes, the filling out of all of them and the writing of checks for all of them, seeing those first few income tax forms come in made my eyes blur, my stomach hurt, my heart pound, and my breathing charge into full-blown hyperventilate-mode.
And even though I have an accountant now to help get things done, my reaction is pretty much the same when the first of the year rolls around and brings tax materials into my mailbox.
I have often wondered why I still feel anxious at this time of the year ...... at the sight of all things tax-related.
Why do I panic at the thought of what item I may forget to turn in, or some piece of paper that I can't find?
It took me sitting down to write this post to figure it out.
It really has nothing to do with my taxes (other than the normal amount of "uck" they give everyone).
It has everything to do with the fact that Jim's not here.
He's not here to fill out these endless forms.He's not here to tell me not to worry.
He's not here at the end of each day.
He's not here to hug me when I need it (and boy, do I need it!).
He's not here for our kids.
He's just ...... not here.
Not in January.
Or at Christmas.
The time of the year isn't as important as this one fact:
So while I may slowly get used to the sight of all things tax-related ...... they will always serve to remind me, every damn January, of something I really, REALLY don't need to be reminded of:
Jim is not here.
Thank you very much, IRS.
I'm sure I would've totally forgotten if not for you.